Angst anyone?

I'm sitting at the computer crying. Why? Well my mom would say it's because I haven't taken my anti-depressant in two days, but I say it's because I need something. What I need is closure. Well maybe not closure exactly. I got closure with the epic burning. What I really need is to strangle someone. Not just any someone, but a certain someone.
I don't see how anyone could look someone in the eyes and say, "I love you," but never mean it? I mean, those words are just so powerful. How can you spend so much time with one certain person just to let it all go without thinking twice about it? How can you hold someone, kiss someone, spend hours talking to someone but then all of a sudden stop doing those things cold turkey? I could never do that with my own choosing, but I'm being forced.
I don't miss the person that I use to do these things with. It's been months since it's ended. All I miss is the things in general. I miss being able to call someone that I knew cared about me. I miss staying up all night on the phone with the endless butterflies. I miss the wonderful kisses. The kisses on my forehead, on my nose, on my cheek, on my neck, etc etc. I miss having someone hold me as I cried, or slept, or just thought. Sure I could do these things with someone else, but is it wrong to think that it wouldn't be the same?
I am the most shy when it comes to relationships. For example, I'm almost 16 and I've kissed only 2 boys. Not because boys don't want to kiss me, but because I am a sorry-ass-chicken. I've only ever made out with one boy, and that is the farthest I've been. It took me forever to trust this boy and to fall for him, but when it happen boy did I fall. I fell head-over-heels in love. I always had a feeling that there was something odd about how he treated me, but he said he loved me and I believed him. He was a good actor I guess...or maybe I'm just bad at reading people.
Maybe I'm afraid to let myself fall for someone else. I'm afraid of getting hurt again. I can't just bounce back like other people. It took me forever to get over him. Now I find myself wanting physical contact with a special someone. I need someone who loves and cherishes me. I can't help but fear that it'll never happen.
Is it different for males? Is it easy for them to just switch from girl to girl without another thought? Do they feel alright lying to girls and getting them to fall hard just when you're about to leave? Maybe I just fall for jerks.

-Ashlyn